Thoughts that Flow

I should be sleeping but I can't shut my brain off. I have too many thoughts racing around in my head. I've been tossing and turning since 10:30, and I realized it wasn't going to stop until I wrote out all of my thoughts. So here it goes!

My great-uncle, my grandpa Orin's only brother, passed away on Tuesday. That wasn't a phone call I was expecting. My dad called and left a voicemail asking me to call mom or him when I got the chance. I called right away knowing that something was wrong. But it still wasn't easy hear. I will miss him, but that's not even what makes this hard. We were like the only family he had. He loved and adored Orin, always asking my grandpa how baby Orin was doing, and hanging pictures of Orin on his fridge. He came to visit us soon after Orin was born. And we also went to see them several times, and they gave Orin a little wooden rocking chair. But what makes this the hardest is to hear and see how this is affecting my grandpa. As brothers and farming partners, they were attached at the hip. They did everything together. Farming was the big thing, their livelihood, but they also took a fishing trip to Canada every summer. Grandpa will miss that. I don't want to see my Grandpa upset and sad. That's why I'm not looking forward to going back home. I also feel bad for his wife, Lois. She's very frail and weak and there is no way she can live by herself in the big farm house. What is she going to do? I worry for her. I'm sad for her.

I know I should be rejoicing in the fact that Arlo lived 78 wonderful and long years on this earth, and that now he is living it up with Jesus. But I don't feel that yet. I think more about the people he left behind and how long it will take to heal and move on. Please pray for my family as we mourn the loss of a great man. Visitation is Sunday night and the funeral is on Monday. I think the hardest days are yet to come as we travel home for the arrangements and the reality of it all finally sinks in.

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Ahhh, that really helped to work through my feelings and put them on "paper instead of keeping them a jumbled up mess in my head. On to a much less serious and much more shallow and selfish note...

Maria and I have been working out EVERY morning. Besides the few mornings when we were utterly exhausted and cancelled, we have been exercising each morning since the middle of June. That is 7 months! When we moved to OC, I told Ryan that I was going to ask Maria if she had any interest in walking/exercising together since she was home on summer break from teaching and because we had babies at the same time and were both struggling to lose the weight. Little did I know she was thinking the same thing. I'm so glad it all came together like that. During the summer, we walked outside with our babes in the stroller. Hazel and Orin. They were really too young to know what was going on, but we walked 3 miles every morning around town. That was fun and I think there was a lot of benefit that came out of those mornings- becoming more fit and forming a much deeper friendship.

In November, once the weather turned crappy and the snow started flying, we needed a place indoors. The gym offered treadmills, elipticals, weights, bikes, etc. so we signed up. Each morning, we hit the gym (besides those few mornings) for an hour. It's fun to have a partner who is just as adament about losing baby weight as you are and it helps keep me accountable to get my butt out of bed and do something about it. Except for those few mornings. :)

I've decided to be open and honest about my weight gain through pregnancy and where I'm at today. I debated posting this for a long time...like since June when all this exercising started. But I figured that I needed some sort of record, and I think this can add more accountability to my weight loss if you all know where I started and where I'm at today. And I'm hoping it helps keep my hands out of the bag of oreos. :) Put for real, I couldn't have posted this a few months back because I wasn't happy with where I was at in this journey. But now I feel different. In October, when Orin was 8 months old, I got back into my pre-pregnancy jeans. And that's when I realized that what I was doing was working and I was seeing results...finally! So here it goes:

At the beginning of my pregnancy with Orin, I weighed in at 147. At my 40 week doctor's visit, I weighed 184. I gained 37 pounds during those 9 months. Ouch! But I had to remind myself that that is good and healthy and normal.

When we moved to OC, I weighed 174 or close to that. Today, I weigh 157. My working out is really paying off. I'm regretting not doing something before June to get off the baby weight. My goal was to get down to 155, which I thought was my pre-baby weight. I was quite discouraged when I realized I had even further to go than I originally thought. But I'm okay with that. My goal, now, is to get between 150-155. I think that would be good. But I do feel really happy with myself now and am so proud of all the hard work we have been doing each morning. It truly does pay off. Next time around, with the next baby, I'm going to exercise throughout the pregnancy. I think that will help. But for now, I'm going to enjoy my "almost pre-baby" body for awhile before thinking about having another babe. :)

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I've been looking for activities to do with Orin that will keep us busy during the day. I feel like everyday is the same and there is really no excitement in that. I feel like all we do all day is eat, change diapers, play, read books, and sing songs. I need more than that!! I want to feel like I'm actually making a difference and teaching Orin something! Any ideas out there for what we can do? It is extra hard now with the weather. We don't go anywhere because I hate to get him all bundled up and take him in and out of his carseat. One idea I found was to do water painting on the sidewalk, but we obviously can't do that until spring. So I would welcome any fun ideas we could do here at home until then.

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I have my first newborn photoshoot coming up in a week or two. We haven't set the date yet. I'm waiting to get all my equipment sent to me, and then I'll be ready. I'm really excited about this one! I can't wait to try out all the cute poses I have seen done before. I just love little babies. I can't wait!! It will be so much fun...but kind of scary at the same time since this is my first official indoor shoot.

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I was in a supper rut for a while. Last week I broke out of that. I made supper every single night last week- except Monday because Ryan was gone. Good suppers like Chicken and Rice casserole, homemade pizza, tator tot casserole, and chicken pot pie. This week was off to a good start- Monday we hosted Bible Study, which meant no cooking. Tuesday was a roast and vegetables in the crock pot, but tonight I failed. Somedays, there just isn't energy for all the thinking behind figuring out what to make, checking to see if I have all the ingredients, and then actually making it. So it was a frozen pizza night as requested by Ryan. That was just fine with me! Tomorrow, I think I'm pulling out the Red Beans and Rice from the freezer. Sounds good, huh??

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I feel so refreshed and energized after getting all that out of my head. I needed that tonight. Thanks for listening!

I'll leave you with a picture of the ornery one. He looks mad, but he really wasn't. He was just standing there talking to me while I worked in the kitchen.